My Mind/Body Theory - from 2012

 

My mind/body theory --- from Facebook, 2012

Looking at this dilemma from the point of view of the theory that “you are not your body,” I think I may have come to a conclusion as to how I can get through this thing best. If I am not my body, then this story of me saying, “Don’t let me die. I don’t want to die.” etc (bullshit, I, or MY MIND, never would have said in the circumstance) was actually this BODY not this MIND. Theoretically, the mind IS responsible for taking care of the body to which it is connected. the statements were the body expressing ITS desire not to die. Bodies without minds, of course, are the equivalent of bacteria, intellectually. So, do I believe that my body was fearful and expressing a desire to “live?” Sure, I can go with that. 

It follows, then, that the EMOTIONAL issues are stemming from my mind (ME) being reconnected slowly with this body. This body KNOWS how much my mind (ME) despises it for this. ;-) Ultimately, the answer must lie, per this theory, in making nice with this body. Now, keep in mind, I do NOT actually do ANYTHING that is outwardly destructive to this body for the most part. I eat well. I used to drink alcohol in copious amounts and have not made that choice this time around. I am “active” though I do not really exercise on purpose. I just do many physical things. I do not have the “handicapped” placard hanging in my vehicle, for instance, I walk. I do not put guns to its head. I do not purposely put it in any direct danger of extinction. I guess this might be harder to figure if some of my more self-destructive (body destructive) habits had resurfaced, but they have not. I’m guessing I will have that battle later. The connections in the body are being straightened out, and broken ones are being repaired, like my ability to fell hunger. I can only assume that everytime I wake up and go, “Wait a second! What the fuck is going on here?” is due to some old pathway being reaffirmed in some way.

I’ve heard the story a million times, and I’ve told it as many by now. I don’t think my mind believes it, I know my mind doesn’t WANT it to be true. The body is happy to be alive. The mind is confused, enraged and disgusted. The 2 are not on the same page at all. It appears to me that I need to devise a plan for how to get them working together at least as well as they did before this disconnection occurred. It wasn’t that well, the body knows I was trying to destroy it then, too. “Wine is fine, but whiskey’s quicker. Suicide is slow with liquor.” 

Ultimately, I don’t think I was trying to destroy it, though I was at least trying to get out of it or away from it or whatever is the best way to describe it. Best would be for this body to let this mind go and find another. Perhaps it tried, hence this ridiculous utterances that are repeated so often to me. There is NO WAY that I would have said ANY of it under the circumstances, so it must have been the body speaking. I guess the body can only carry itself so far without some mind attached, it had to settle for the one it started with. Sad, really because some people have total amnesia, and the body gets basically a whole new mind. This would have been better for MY mind and probably the body, too, ultimately, but neither this body nor this mind is known for good luck.

So, I must make friends with this body. I need a plan to do so consciously.